rightnow

“they’re still painting our new flat, so i think we don’t have anyplace to sleep tonight. can u manage to sleep in one of your friends’ place?”

silent for 5 seconds

“of course i have no problem at all, but what about you? where ur gonna sleep?”

laughing for 2 seconds,

“i’m coming with you”

dasaaarrr…………..

ruang tamunya gede dengan jendela lebar kalo jendelanya di buka… pemandangannya indah tiada tara.. gedung apartment sebelah hahahaha..  2 kamar. setiap kamar ada balkon nya meskipun sempit tapi kiut kok. ku udah rencana bisa nanem tumbuhan merambat biar agak feminin biar kaya’ ibu ibu arisannya jeng nurul dan jeng laila, hehehe.. 2 kamar mandi di depan tiap kamar dan eng ing eng…. dapur! 2 sinks yang agak dalem, ini kesukaan gw, tempat cuci piring yang lebar dan dalem biar airnya ngga muncrat sana sini. seseruan ngegambar lay out dapur dalam otakku. dan lay out paling “jorok” (ini bahasanya indra) adalah : kalo pintu geser dapur dibuka, antara balkon dan dapur bisa di taro meja kecil dan 2 kursi. mmm.. makan malem yang indah balkoni dapur memandang pantai marina crescent, sumpah! ini bisa disulap jadi patio. sayangnya.. kita bukang pasangan romantis hahahahaha…

dostet darum fufu, i love it.

hari ini mo manggil orang buat beres beres dan bersih bersih. soalnya nyonya mo ke embassy abis itu ada janji lunch terakhir di Asha’s sama temen2 sebelum ku berangkat vacation, sorenya janjian ngeteh n ngemil springrolls di marina thai di sama beberapa kerabatnya bang haji. trus terakhir ngupi2 sama banci banci kuwait di salmiya high st. deh! hari ini akan jadi hari yang melelahkan!

menghabiskan 2 hari lagi di kuwait, it’s gonna be the longest days of my life.

3 hari nyicil packing buat pindahan apartment, setelah semuanya packed tiduran mandangin langit kamar, udah setaun kita tinggal disini, mawar mawar kering yang pernah dia berikan (ternyata) masih kesimpen di drawerku. beberapa lembar kata kata dasar dalam bahasa arab yang dia catetin buatku (ternyata) masih kesimpen. packing selalu jadi moment mengingat masa lalu. yang kadang pengen dilupain, kadang pengen diinget. tapi saat ini pilihanku cuma.. priority. terpaksa semua memorabilia kubuang di trash bin. tapi kenangan tetep udah ke saved disini. dalam hatiku.. halah!

8 boxes, personal things, belom termasuk lemari gedenya fufu, giant drawerku, tempat tidur, mesin cuci, refridge,tv, ps, vc, ufffffffffsssssssssssssss.. setelah semua selesai, rencana matengku, dandan yang cantik, reservasi di bertolli’s makan malem indah dan romantis untuk membayar kerja kerasku di hari off beberes bebenah dari pagi buta hehehe..

apa daya? jam 10 malem ini baru selesai. saking telernya. ngga sadar. saat kubuka mata ada seseorang di sampingku, lagi pijitin tanganku pake massage oil lavender. setiap kali kupandangi wajahnya. tulus matanya. senyumnya. ku tau dia sanggup melakukan apapun buatku. ku sadar dia mencintaiku sejak itu hingga kini. saat itu cintanya penuh emosi. saat ini cintanya penuh sabar. sabar menanti kesempatan yang bahkan hanya setengah tak lagi bisa kuberikan.

bener bener ngga tau deh. ku pengen cepet cepet pulang ke rumah. ketemu keluargas. ketemu sodaras, ketemu sahabats, temans. nangis, ktawa mengenang nostalgia sampe lupa daratan deh.

seperti biasa. perempuan pengecut ini memutuskan diam dan akhirnya melarikan diri. ironis.

Chickpeas are one of the least expensive, nutrient-rich foods that you can eat. Chickpeas are rich in a number of nutrients, most notably folate (folic acid), manganese, tryptophan, copper, iron, and of course, healthy protein.

Due to their high folate and tryptophan content, chickpeas are an excellent food choice for women of child-bearing age and people who have trouble getting restful sleep.

Enjoy the many health benefits of chickpeas through our favorite hummus recipe, found below.

Middle Eastern Hummus Recipe

Ingredients:

1 cup dried chickpeas (garbanzo beans), soaked overnight in plenty of water
2 garlic cloves
Juice of 1 large lemon
3 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil, plus more for drizzling
3 tablespoons raw organic tahini
Sea salt
Ground cumin

Directions:

Drain chickpeas and cook them in a pot of simmering water until tender. Drain and set aside.

Combine chickpeas, garlic, lemon juice, extra-virgin olive oil, and tahini in a food processor and blend until ingredients come together into a thick paste.

With the food processor running, add a little water, about half a tablespoon at a time, until the hummus becomes smooth and creamy. Add sea salt, to taste.

Transfer creamy hummus into a bowl and dust with cumin. Drizzle with extra-virgin olive oil just before serving.

enjoy!

dah lama banget neh, ngga nulis blog, dihajar derita hujaman kerjaan yang bertubi tubi dan angin dingin diluar yang bikin males ngapa2in. sekarang udah spring, udara lagi sangat bersahabat, matahari bersinar lembut, angin sejuk berhembus pelan, enaknya sepedahan dari rumah sampe costa’s marina trus sarapan sambil baca kuwait tribune. mantaaaappp.

tapi ngga punya sepeda.

jadinya, cuma buka jendela lebar2, ngeliat seaside, siapin kopi sama kacang pista dan kismis buat cemilan trus get connected dan………mulai cengar cengir chatting sama ade gw paling gila sedunia, ngobrolin ina inu, ba bi bu, ta ti tu, watatita watatiti..

hari ini off, niatnya mo bebancian sama indra tar malem, dress code? belom di tentuin, terakhir kita janjian tanpa dress code berakhir sempurna. kita sama2 pake celana pendek, gw pake vest dan scarf, indra pake jaket dan fedora. justin timberlake sama janet jackson banget hahahaha..

hari ini off, niatnya mo beresin luggagenya fufu yang baru pulang traveling, bawaannya segambreng, 80% barang antik dari india dan maldives yang kudu pake special handling. secara yang punya luggages lagi ribut ngeberesin mukanya yang jadi norak karena over sun burn hahahaha…

hari ini off, biasanya bikin pengajian kecil sama bang haji, indra suka ngeledekin, lama lama gw bisa kawin sama bang haji kaya’ angel lelga. ya iyalah, kalo ngajinya pake bikini gimana bang haji bisa konsentrasi hahaha.. tapi minggu2 ini bang haji lagi sibuk nonton liga champion, jadi pengajiannya libur dulu.

musim semi mulai, bawang, kentang, garlic sampe jahe gw di dapur pada bertunas. hari yang sama tahun lalu. gw memulai hidup baru. pindah ke apartment baru, suasana baru, rencana baru, pemikiran baru.

pagi ini, kenapa tiba2 jadi pengen sarapan roti sama hummus yah? hehehe… arab sialan!

have u ever seen a broken kite falling down from the sky? have u noticed it flies down so fast without any direction? it goes down, sometimes it goes up again, sometimes it goes to the right or to the left, again and again, flying free, and careless..

i’m seeing the kite, right before me.

she’s laughing over my jokes. i know, she’s falling, from a high sky. falling down so fast, free and careless.  i will let her fall, fall hard into the real ground. where she can set her feet again and make a brand new step.

but i’m afraid, she will not fall to the ground, what if she falls to the sea? or into the rocks?

this winter is just like the other winter, drown myself in books and cup and cups of ginger tea. feel lazy to go out even i know the corner in costa’s misses me. i don’t really care, i have my blanket and everything will be alright.

everything will be alright, shiro is in the right hand, farshad is recovering from his alergies and here i am. sitting peacefully in the couch, drinking the 4th cup of ginger tea and watching foxmovies.

what is wrong with being in peace, nothing! nothing sounds me, hehehe.. there is always something buzzing me.

enjoy the winter everyone!

forgive

forget

then life will be easier

i could have said yes, he knows i was just making some silly excuses.

he knows exactly my weak point. yes, right there.. exactly right there..

how can i be so selfish?

i can imagine it very clearly, i’ve been there.

waking up in the next day, leave a note rather than waking him up, sneak out and walk down the street in early cold morning, thinking how it  always happens, how i do it to myself over and over again. it’s not him, it’s me. i’m the one who makes myself believe in a lie, and that hurts.

but..

i remembered the way he was waiting for me and walking toward to hug me real tight, the way he looked at me, there must be something more than he missed me. it’s gotta be something, something i wanted myself to believe.

i just can’t bear the morning, that’s it. it’s too cold, and chills me thru my bones. no one will understand, it’s too personal, it’s not pain. it’s more than that. it’s hollow.

i really feel like a big sharp steely knife stabbing my back. it’s been there for a while i guess but as they say, i was too naive to realize that. like i’ve been walking with a stone in my shoes but i was too easy to tolerate the inconvenience. what’s been bothering me all this time has finally come out as (usual) tears.

i hate being weak but i really can’t take this anyomore. i really can’t. my tears are falling like the rain outside. how i miss my family and my friends back home. how i wanted to be surrounded by people who know and understand about feelings, about passion, about respect..

i’m just a simple girl and this place is completely not the right place for me. i need to think my next leap. will it be someplace in greece where i can ride my bicycle all morning and sitting in the balcony all afternoon, watching people, or maybe some small village in england, full of green green grass with little yellow flowers, counting sheeps.

or maybe, book my ticket home. be with my family.

i need to feel it again. i need to be sure that i’m still the same old someone i’m starring at the mirror rightnow. i’m losing my weight, i’m losing my mind but trust me i don’t want to lose my heart. it never lies, it keeps me human.

if your hands are cold it means your heart is warm

if your hands are warms, it means your heart is cold

so as example, when you’re alone with someone and your hands are cold, probably you’re in love with him/her and vise versa hahaha.. what a silly theory mademoiselle..

anyway after a short french course, i treated her in au bon pains, she talked about her life, i talked about my passion in coffee. suddenly, her face blushed and she was trying to hide her face down.  she whispered to me very quietly, ‘ratna, for God’s sake, don’t ask, don’t talk’  i nodded. 5 minutes we were in PAUSE mode.

i said,

‘what??? your face was like a boiled crab, you slided your head inside your neck like a scared turtle and i can see that you could even hardly breath? all this madness is just because you see a guy. that guy. excuse moi mademoiselle?’

she said,

‘aa.. ratna, you don’t know me? i like him a lot, everytime i see him, my heart stops. my hands sweat, he always leaves me breathless’

‘you know him?’ i asked

‘yes, he’s my friend’s friend. i was introduced to him 2 months ago, he works here as well. she said.

’so?’ qu’est ce que vous arreter mademoiselle?’

‘nothing, i like him, maybe i will get crazy, that’s all’

this time, my ‘what’ question is louder than the first one. ‘WHAT?’

the last 30 minutes of our break, i gave her my scenario. i told her to go to him, wait until he notices her and say hi to her. and suddenly tell him that she forgets something and she will be back again soon. don’t say hi first, this is the rule. non negotiable! come back after 10 minutes, if he gives her positive signs such as he’s still waiting when she comes back and ask her what happened, don’t wait! don’t hesitate! she has to ask him to go out with her..

‘i think i like you, would you go out with me sometime this week?’

today, they finally ended up going out together. to carrefour, shopping for groceries, sharing knowledge about cheese and chiken. picking the pickles, buying baguettes and sharing the taxi fare. she called me and told me about this. she sounded very happy. i can even feel her blushing.

asking someone to go out with you is easy girl, don’t prepare yourself too much, just be spontaneous and honest. if he says no, then you know how he feels about you. if he says yes, then you know what to do next. don’t bother to go for a fancy romantic dinner. he will get the wrong impression about you. just go easy to the coffee shop, bookstore or anywhere simple. but carrefour? hehe.. why not!

akhirnya..

hari ini datang juga, hari ini hari kesepakatan untuk berbicara tentang masa depan, masa yang sangat kutakuti sekaligus sangat penasaran ingin kuketahui.

pagi ini, pilih duduk di sudut costa’s, english breakfast tea with 3 biscottis. buat dia yang sedang dilanda radang tenggorokan cukup green tea pake madu dan lemon.

dimulai dengan siapa diriku, siapa dirinya, dan sejuta jurang diantara kita. sejuta mimpi, sepuluh juta kenyataan. setitik harapan seember hambatan. dia bicara begitu hati hati, memilih kata begitu indah untuk tidak sampai menyakitiku. ku bisa liat siksaan itu lewat matanya. aku tersudut pasrah sambil muter muterin mug tehku yang mulai dingin. sinar matanya menusuk nusuk akal sehatku, genggaman tangannya melelehkan jantungku. kali ini aku bener2 dibuat ngga berdaya. akal sehat mati. jantung berhenti.

ku bener2 benci setiap kali ini terjadi. makanya setiap kali ini terjadi, i just want to runaway. kenapa sih? selalu susah buatku? selalu njelimet? selalu complex? selalu ngga fair? kenapa sih ngga bisa kek orang2 lain? mikir bentar, bilang iya dan semua berjalan oke oke aja ALATUUL..

egonya, egoku,  yang selama ini selalu berjaya, seketika ambruk dikaki kenyataan yang sulit di mengerti. darah mudanya memutuskan untuk mendobrak semua pintu yang tertutup, kakinya tak kuasa menahan untuk menendang semua tembok tebal. tangannya tak tahan untuk meninju semua barikade. ingin sekali kekatakan, ‘menyerahlah sayangku, menyerahlah’ 

menyerahlah saat kurela melepas semua, jangan berjuang dan akhirnya menyerah saat ku tak lagi rela. aku pernah merasakannya dan dibutuhkan 11 jam penerbangan jauh untuk barada disini dan menghapus sebagian kenangan bertahun tahun yang sulit kuabaikan. melupakan episode yang terkait dengan episode episode lainnya yang sulit kugunting begitu saja.

tiba tiba ku ingin berada di tepi danau, mendengar gesekan daun dihempas angin kecil, merasakan akar akar rumput ditelapak kakiku, menikmati harum tanah basah, melupakan waktu, saat itu biasanya terjadi kekompakan maksimum antara hati dan pikiranku. saat itu biasanya keputusan keputusan penting dalam hidupku terjadi.

disini nggada danau. tapi udara udah mulai bisa dinikmati. so, senja ini ku akan coba jalan jalan di pantai, sapa tau hembusan angin, segernya air laut dan lembutnya pasir basah bisa menggantikan danauku disana. sapa tau hatiku dan pikiranku bisa kompromi dan menghasilkan keputusan yang terbaik buat semua.

siapa bilang ku ngga romantis? cuma kadang terlalu gengsi aja hehehe…